Not everyone can write their own story. Arthritis makes holding a pen painful. Dementia makes sequencing difficult. Some people simply never learned to write comfortably, or never believed their story was worth telling.
But their story is still there. And someone who loves them can help get it out.
You are the scribe, not the author
The most important principle: this is their story, in their voice. Your job is to listen, ask, and write — not to interpret, improve, or editorialise.
If they say "it was the worst winter of my life," write that. Don't soften it to "it was a challenging period." Their words carry their personality. Preserve it.
How to begin
Don't sit down with a blank page and say "tell me your life story." That's paralysing. Instead, start with a single, specific question:
- What is the first home you remember?
- What did a typical Sunday look like when you were ten?
- How did you and Mum/Dad meet?
One question is enough for one session. Let them talk. Record it if you can. Take notes if you can't.
Work in short sessions
Elderly people tire easily. Thirty minutes is often enough. End before they're exhausted — it makes them more willing to do it again.
Visit regularly. Memory is unpredictable; some days they'll remember nothing, and others they'll surprise you with a story you've never heard.
Write it up between visits
After each session, write up what they told you while it's fresh. Keep their phrasing. Use their rhythms. Read it back to them next time — they'll correct details, add colour, and sometimes open up a whole new thread.
Include the small things
The facts of a life — dates, places, jobs — are the skeleton. The small things are the flesh: the song they hummed while cooking, the way they always folded the newspaper in thirds, the phrase they used when something delighted them.
These are the details that will make a grandchild cry with recognition thirty years from now.
Give it a home
HeirStories was designed for exactly this kind of collaboration — a shared space where you can write someone's life story chapter by chapter, organise it by theme, and share it with the family when it's ready. Free to start.
You don't need to be a writer. You just need to care enough to ask — and to write down what you hear.